Why is it so hard?

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Why is it so hard to just trust God?  I want to.  I try to.  Is it my fear of trust?  Is it because I've been hurt so many times by people who are supposed to be the closest to me that I'm afraid to even trust God?  Or is it a control issue?  If I let go and just trust God, I have no control over the situation.

The more I've sat and thought about it, the more I realize it's both.  I'm not a very trusting person anymore.  I'm very suspicious of most people who want to be close to me.  I often wonder what they are going to go say about me to others.  What lies they might tell, or what secrets they may share with others.  It's hard to not want to be in control of a situation.  When it comes down to it though, we really have very little control over most of the things life deals us.  I can only control my response to the situation.  Sometimes it's hard to go back to this old verse I learned way back in Caravan many years ago.  I struggle to let go of any situation, hand it over to God, and to trust that he's going to take care of me no matter what.  If tiny little sparrows are important to him, I am important too. 

It seemed so easy to trust back in college.  Maybe because my biggest problem at that time was making sure I had the money to stay at Olivet.  I didn't have three kids or a husband to worry about.  Life has changes so much since college, but I want to find that ease in trusting in God in all things, even when the outcome may not be what I like.  God is not the rest of the world.  It doesn't matter what everyone else has done to me or anyone else.  God is full of love, understanding, grace and mercy.  I will trust in Him.