Attitude of Gratitude

It's so easy to complain.  Complain about jobs, or the lack of a job, complain about our homes-size, structure, age, etc.  It's easy to complain about the people in our lives-spouse, kids, family, in-laws, friends.  It's easy to complain about how horrible our lives are, and wish we had so much more.  I know how easy it is.  I used to do it.  A lot.  Several months ago, a friend and I decided we both needed an attitude adjustment.  She was reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp at the time.  We decided to force ourselves to look for the positive in each day, and at the end of the day, we'd send each other a list of at least five things we were grateful for.  We intended to do that for a week.  We started on October 13, 2011.  We are still doing this every single night.  If we miss a night for whatever reason, we do it the next day.  It was a great start to something that has been helping change my heart.

After being around a few people who always have something to complain about, I realize just how toxic this kind of attitude is.  No one wants to be around someone who is ungrateful and complaining about everything in their life.  People like that are very toxic, and they just start bringing those around them down with them.  I don't want to be that person. 

I used to feel like there was a lot I could complain about.  It was like I had that right.  But who wants to hear that?  I've found that I'm a much happier person when I stop thinking about what I/we don't have, and I stop and thank God for what I do have.  Nick has not one, but two jobs in a time where it's hard to find jobs.  We have a home to live in.  Our family is clothed.  We have plenty of food to eat.  We have two vehicles and no car payments.  We have family and friends that love us.  We have four healthy, beautiful, amazing kids.  If they aren't reason enough to be grateful, I don't know what is!  Nick and I have each other.  We have a church family that is amazing. 

The more things I find to be thankful for, the less I think about what I don't have.  I feel like complaining about what I don't have makes me sound so ungrateful for what God has given us. We can find joy in what God has given us.  I recently started reading One Thousand Gifts.  Today, on page 33, I read:
As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible.  Joy is always possible. Whenever, meaning-now; wherever, meaning-here.  The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional peak experience.  The joy wonder could be here!  Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be-unbelievably-possible!  The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now. 

I thought that was so beautifully said.  We don't need things, vacations, big houses, or fancy cars to have this joy.  We can have that joy now.  We just have to stop complaining about what we don't have, and thank God for what we do have.  There are times when it's hard.  There have been times when I sent Julie my list and I was listing out the dumbest things to be thankful for because it was just one of those days.  But those "dumb" things were still worth being thankful for.  In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, it says to give thanks in all circumstances.  It doesn't say some.  For most of my life, I just sort of ignored that.  I have it written down in several places, but didn't really do it.  Giving thanks is easy when life is going well.  It's a choice, and a tough one, when life just plain sucks.  There are times it's hard to be grateful when things don't seem to go our way, and we just don't understand God.  But I have found recently that the more I give thanks during the rough times, the easier it gets, the shorter my anger or frustration period seems to be, and I feel a deeper connection with God.  Life really is so much more joyful when I live with an attitude of thankfulness.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Changing

It's been forever since I've posted.  I used to blog (on a different site) every day.  Now I'm lucky if I get to actually sit at a computer, and it's just so hard to update from my phone. I have to share a revelation I had on Sunday. I finally figured out that I am worth it. I am good enough. I have spent my entire life believing I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't really worth anything to anyone. I don't know why or how it started. I have never felt pretty.  Next to my mom and my sisters, I'm not pretty or thin.  Have you seen my mom?  She's beautiful. My sisters?  Yep, their pretty too.  Somewhere along the way I just didn't care anymore.  And it's led to me not being healthy.  Well, not a healthy weight anyway.  As far as my health goes, I have never had a single problem.  But  I want to be a better me. I don't want to be stick skinny. Nick doesn't like that, and I don't feel the need to be that way.  I just wanted to feel better about myself. It's starting.

I started on a journey to make myself healthier, both physically and spiritually. On March 1, 2012, I started Insanity. I knew it was working a little because my clothes started fitting differently. Then Micah went through this screaming phase where he screamed if I wasn't holding him. No one else could calm him. Nick tried. I got off-track for about three weeks. Then I tried starting back up. I tried starting over a few times for a couple weeks. Then one day in May, I just did it. I started. I don't do six days in a row like you're supposed to. I am afraid of it affecting my milk supply, and that is something I will not sacrifice. I just take an extra day off. I either do two days on, one day off, two days on, one day off, so I'm still getting 5 days a week in, or I do three days on, one day off. It may be taking me a little bit longer, but IT'S WORKING. One day, I noticed I was getting a waist again. Then I noticed my jeans were falling off as I walked. Then my shirts started getting loose in the belly.  My relay for life t-shirt was snug in the belly just a couple weeks ago.  I pulled it out of the drier and put it on...it's not snug anymore!  My baby belly is slowly going away. 

Fast-forward to Sunday. I was putting away clothes thinking about all of this. I've been spending time working out, eating better, and spending more time in God's word and with God in prayer. I'm changing before my very eyes. I have had situations come up where I would have reacted differently before, but God is changing my heart. Anyway, as I was putting away everyone's clothes, I was thinking about how much I love my kids, and that was when it hit me-if I love my kids so much, how much greater does God love me? I have to stop being so down on myself because I was created in God's image. I have always looked at myself through my own eyes, and I saw nothing but fat, gross, ugly. But you know what? I don't now. I might not be beautiful in the world's standards. I might not have a body that anyone in Hollywood would want, but God sees me like I see my kids. Beautiful. Amazing. Priceless. Worth it. Good enough. He sees you that way too.

I have no intention of stopping this journey. While having an amazing body isn't on my agenda, having a healthy body is. My body is God's temple. It's my job to be an example to my kids to live a healthier lifestyle. We aren't going to cut out ALL of the junk because I think treats are ok in moderation.   But something I learned-eating better makes you not want all the crap. We ate out on Sunday for Father's day, and later I felt awful after eating the junk. My body felt sluggish later in the day. My stomach hurt from all the grease. I just wanted to sit down and eat a bunch of fresh veggies. Even things I love are getting easier to say no to because don't want to feel that way again. I still like chocolate, but I eat less because it tastes too sweet now. I hope this change keeps up for a lifetime.  Me being healthier helps my family be healthier too. 

We took pictures when we started Insanity back in March. I started losing, then gained it all back when I stopped during Micah's screaming phase. On Monday I had Nick take a new picture to see where it was. I finish month 1 today, then on Saturday will begin my recovery week before going into Month 2. Changing eating and fitness habits work. But I do think a lot of it has to do wtih changing my heart as well. The pictures aren't pretty, and I'm not brave enough to share them right now, but maybe someday I will.  Being able to see the changes helps motivate me.  I hope I keep changing.  I hope I continue to let God mold me into the person he wants me to be.