Respect

Respect. All night I have been thinking about this. I feel like there are so many people in our lives that don't respect us. They don't respect the decisions we have made. I know there are people who don't like that we have chosen for me to stay home with our children. Think think it's horrible that Nick is working two jobs. They think I should have a real job. Although anyone who says a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) isn't a real job has never been home with two toddlers all day! I am more worn out now than I ever was when I worked, and I worked two jobs for six months in 2005. Nick and I have talked at great length and prayed about our decision. Let me tell you something that I have never shared with anyone.

I used to want a career. I felt called by God to be a SAHM, but I ran from that calling for years. I saw how much my parents struggled trying to raise four kids on one income. It wasn't easy, and it's not for most people. However, one day I stopped running and God's desire became my desire. I wanted to stay home. I didn't want my kids spending 8 or 9 hours a day in someone elses care. I wanted to be that someone. Thankfully, God gave me a husband who shared that vision. Maybe someday I'll have a career, maybe I won't, but if I don't, I want what my parents had. No, I would prefer that we didn't have the hardships, but unless Nick is offered a ginormous raise, we will definitely have financial hardships. What I want is the happiness my parents had and still have. I want that genuine joy. Maybe someday we'll get the best of both worlds, maybe not, but that is in God's hands, not mine. I just want to be respected for our decision. And I'll tell you a little secret: I offered many many times to get an evening job so Nicholas could be home. He doesn't want to do that. He feels that God has called him to be the financial provider for our family. This is what works for US.

I wish we could be respected for my decision to not only breastfeed, but do extended breastfeeding. I understand that breastfeeding isn't for everyone. That is a choice we made because we felt it was the best one for our children. I actually had a family member tell me it was gross. I don't understand it, but that is their opinion. I wish even more that people would respect my decision for extended nursing. I know nursing past a year isn't the norm in the United States, but again, it is MY decision to make. I made the decision with my husband based on what we thought was best for our family. It would be so traumatizing to ween Elijah when he is clearly not ready. No one knows my son better than I do.

I wish people would respect our choices for children. Let me just clear the air now. Yes, we want more, and no we do not plan on waiting four or five years to add to our family unless that is GOD'S plan. We have been criticized because we want a big family and we want our kids closer together (not necessarily all 13 months apart like Kylee and Elijah, though). We have a vision for our family, and whether or not others agree, Nicholas and I do.

There were some that definitely didn't agree with our decision to start having children so early in our marriage. Sometimes we just have plans that seem to go against what so many believe is the "right way" to do things. We chose not to wait a year or so. Kylee was on purpose. We were married, and we made the decision together. Sometimes God has other plans. Elijah was a huge surprise to us, and contrary to what some may believe or have heard, I was ON birth control. Had he been born due a few weeks later, that would have been a different story. I was actually pregnant before we left for Arizona, but didn't know it. Keep in mind that sometimes things happen that are out of our control, but in God's, and even when you don't agree, keep in mind it may not have been our plan either. But man, look at that little boy and we can't imagine life without him. God knows so much better than us. Kylee and Elijah are our most precious gifts, and surprise or not, I am so thankful for them.

I will say I am very grateful for my parents who raised me to do what I believe is God's will regardless of what others say. I grew up very independent, and have had to learn interdependence. I was always very independent, so that was a process for me. I am thankful for parents who probably have many opinions of our choices, but keep those opinions to themselves unless asked. I'm thankful for the respect my parents have for us. I have no doubt in my mind they had their opinions when we decided to return back to Chicago from Tucson. Perhaps they thought it was the best thing for us, or perhaps they wanted their beloved grand-daughter (and now grandson too) nearby.

Some think we've made mistakes in our lives, and admittedly, we have, but not the way they think. There are people out there who think that there is only one way to do things. Oh boy are there SO many people out there like that, particularly from a specific generation. They think because something didn't work for them that it won't work for us. Maybe they missed the memo that we are all different people and some things that don't work for one person might actually work for someone else? Maybe some of the things we choose to do will turn out to be a mistake, but wouldn't it be better for everyone to let it go and let us learn from our mistakes? I imagine it is so difficult for our parents to do this because they want to protect us, but I don't want the protection. It is no longer their job to protect me. I just want them to love and respect me. I want them to let us make our choices, if they work, fabulous, if they don't, we learn for it. Sure, we may need a little help here and there, but who doesn't? And when we do, let us ask for it with no strings attached, no "I told you so's," just love.

Nick and I made a decision once that was not well-received. I was accused of not having a very close family. Contrary to what that particular person said, it is quite the opposite. I come from one of the closest families most people would ever see. Just spend an hour at a family gathering and you won't have a difficult time seeing that. I can talk about things with my aunts and grandma that so many wouldn't consider talking about other than with their best friend or mom. The things we share, the things we pick at, the way we tease each other. Honestly, I have yet to be around a family where I've seen as much love and acceptance. Nick and I weren't even dating the first time he met my family and he was welcomed in with open arms, and they treated him like he had always been a part of the family-sometimes a scary thing with Uncle Mike and Uncle Pete! =) What that person didn't understand was while my family is VERY close (ask Nick, he'll tell you we are much closer than most families-all ), we have a mutual respect. We are close, but we don't nag at each other about choices we've made. In my mom's family she is the middle of 5 kids, there are 19 grandchildren, and 6 (with two more on the way) great-grandchildren. In my dad's family he is the youngest of 9 kids, and there are way more grandchildren and great-grandchildren. There is absolutely NO WAY we could all agree with each others choices. No way at all. But you know what? I love each and every one of them so much, and really, their choices are not my business. If they ask, I'll tell them. If they don't, oh well. It's not my business. There are times where I slip...it happens. But I'm really working on not sharing my opinions unless asked.

To end this insanely long blog, I guess I could say is all I want is respect. I want people to respect the decision we have made for our marriage, our children, our family as a whole. We are not children anymore. We are adults coming close to the age of 30 in the next couple years. We will most definitely make mistakes when making some decisions. We are already paying the consequences of choices we made in the past. That's the way life goes. Sometimes those consequences are so difficult, but it makes us that much stronger. Some of our decisions will be the best one for us, even if it isn't for someone else. We have our family's best interest at heart. We don't want to hurt our marriage or our children. Sometimes the decisions we make are going to seem hurtful to others, and often those are going to be some of the most difficult decisions. They don't make us bad people. They make us a husband and wife, parents, who want to do what WE think is best for OUR family. I have no doubt my parents were hurting when we left Arizona. I imagine it had to be quite difficult for them to watch us back out of their driveway. And I don't enjoy hurting my parents. Quite the opposite in fact. One of my biggest fears has always been disappointing them. That is the perfectionist, first-born coming out in me. I don't want them to hurt. But that was the best decision for us. We can't think of every other person in our lives when we make a decision or we'd be living for everyone else and we'd be absolutely miserable and probably on the road to divorce. We have learned to make our decisions prayerfully, and to do what is the best fit for our little (hopefully big someday) family.

We are doing our best to center our lives around Christ, starting with our marriage, and then our children. I want my children to feel what I did growing up. My parents put each other first, and I felt so secure in their love. They have been examples for my entire 28 (almos 29) years of what a marriage should be. I want my kids to feel that same security. I want my kids to know their parents are in it for life, and we make the choice every day to love each other more than we did the day before. That's not to say we won't face difficulties. Everyone does. But we will still be in love, and choose to love one another.

All I want is to feel respected. Respected as an adult, as the wife of my husband, as the mother to my children, as a woman, as a person.