Trusting in the Storm

Prayer.  It should come with a warning label that says, "Don't do it unless you really mean what you're praying!"  I've shared over the past couple of months how God is really working on me with fear and trust.  I just kept praying that I would just keep trusting more.  I didn't haven't in mind what has happened over the past week and a half.  I thought it was enough of a test of my trust when we lost a good part of our income in January.  In February, we were right on track with our budget, and we were even able to have a little (ok, a lot) of fun because of our tax return.  We were getting into a good place with our budgeting, and were pretty good about following it.  March started off fairly quiet for us, and I was looking forward to really living out that budget since what was left of tax money had been transferred to savings. 

Then March 7th happened.  It's a day that will be etched in my brain for a long, long time.  My husband told me he had lost his full-time job.  All the thoughts of how will we pay rent, feed our kids, put gas in our cars, etc. went through my head.  Our insurance was gone.  I was so proud of the fact that we were finally in a place that we didn't have to use medicaid, and BAM! looks like we are going to have to go back on it.  It kind of sucks.  But apparently we (or I) needed to be humbled. 

Back in January I didn't know why we had to go through that rough time.  I honestly believe that God used it to prepare me for this time now.  While I don't believe God makes bad things happen, I do believe he knows what's going to happen, and he knew I'd need to learn to trust him during that time, so I would know I could trust him now. 

Most days are good.  My heart and head agree that God has a bigger plan, and we have to go through this desert before we can get to the mountaintop.  But there are rough days where my head and my heart just don't agree.  It's those days I really have to dig deep so I don't let the doubt take hold and start to believe the enemy's lies.  Most days I don't worry.  But I have days where I am scared of what the future holds.  That's when I need the prayers of my family and friends the most.  I know there are people interceding for us, and that means more to me than anything. 

I don't understand any of this, but I trust that God knows what he is doing.  One of my devotionals last week included Romans 5:3-4.  "We can rejoice, to, when we run into problems and trials, for we know they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hop of salvation."  In the side note of my Bible, it suggested listing 5-10  good things could come of a present suffering.  I started listing, and you know what I found?  While our present circumstance just plain sucks, there are some good things that can come out of it.  We are both able to go to the prayer conference our church is hosting next week.  Nick wouldn't have been able to go otherwise, and I think this will be a huge thing for us.  We actually get to spend time with the man of our house right now. That's only a couple.  My list was longer than that. 

I believe God has plan so much better than we could ever imagine.  I believe there is a job out there that is just right for our family.  I believe that God is faithful and he won't let us down.  The Bible never says our lives will be easy.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  It says there WILL be trials.  But I know who I can depend on to get us through these trials.  For now, we are going to do our part in looking for a new job and seeking God, and I am going to trust that he is going to use this experience to strengthen our faith and trust.